


switchblade words

by somnolence



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canonical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, M/M, Manipulation, fuck sazed, the taakitz doesn't happen until the third chapter btw, the violence isn't all that graphic i think but just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 04:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9531365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somnolence/pseuds/somnolence
Summary: Taako doesn't hang back.





	1. you feared a lonely death

**Author's Note:**

> i don't remember if they ever mentioned how taako met sazed (they might've done it in the donors only episode, or in ttazz which i haven't gotten around to listening to yet because it's... so long and i can't focus lmao), so this is mostly based on my own headcanon

Taako wishes he could go back to the past and unmeet Sazed. Not through the Temporal Chalice -the price was too high-, but simply by rewriting history so that everything else is the same, and the only thing that changes is him never being under the influence of that fucker. (Deep inside, he realizes that it’s impossible, but that won’t stop his wild dreaming.)

Failing that, he wants to meet Sazed again, and _kill_ him. Why shouldn’t he?, Sazed almost killed him, he was responsible for the deaths of forty people, he was responsible for destroying a part of Taako. He deserves to die. At the very least, he deserves to be beaten within an inch of his life.

Justice isn’t always pretty.

 

* * *

 

He meets Sazed while doing his customary work as the cook of a caravan. Sazed seems to be enthralled by Taako’s prowess, and goes out of his way to talk to him. Which is an oddity; the others rarely talk to him, only choosing to do so when they have orders or something to complain about. It sucks, but it’s better than growing close to people and then having them abandon him.

But Sazed talks to him. He laughs at his jokes, compliments him, hangs on his every word. It makes Taako puff up with pride, and he soaks in the attention that he needs so desperately.

“You’re amazing, did you know that?” Sazed tells him one day. “Your talents are being wasted in this caravan.”

“Oh, I know, trust me,” Taako says airily.

“We should find somewhere else for you. Somewhere you’ll be appreciated.”

_There’s a we?_ , Taako wonders, half awed, half scared.

“What’re you thinking about, dude? Because I’m not going back to New Elfington, and Neverwinter fucking sucks. The Sword Coast fucking sucks, it _stinks_. You gonna take me to Tethyr or some crap?”

“Not really,” Sazed rubs at the back of his neck, “I don’t think we could make it in a big city just yet - but there’s another caravan, a much larger one, and they make a lot more money.”

“You say money, I’m in, bubbeleh.”

 

Finding the caravan is relatively easy. Sazed clearly has it all planned out: their own crosses paths with it a week or so afterwards, and they quickly say their goodbyes, or more accurately, they say “later, suckers!” and jump ship.

As it turns out, Sazed was right. Everyone is delighted with Taako’s meals, and they praise him to no end. His new traveling companions are much unlike his previous ones; they ask for his opinion concerning the ingredients they will buy, they ask for fashion tips, they fawn over his hair, and over the way in which he carries himself, and over him in general.

Taako can’t recall a time where he’d been happier.

 

It all goes sideways soon, of course, because it’s not as if he could have nice things. Sazed grows moodier with each passing day; he skulks around and grunts whenever Taako addresses him.

One day, he confronts Taako.

“You know these people are playing you, right?” he says. His voice is full of venom.

“Uh. What do you mean?”

“They’re using you. They have you on a leash, doing whatever they want to you, just because they tell you some pretty words and act like they care about you.”

“My man, I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but I’m prety sure they like me, considering I make the best fucking food they’ve had in their whole lives. Hard not to be into someone who makes the tightest fucking chicken that’s ever existed, ya dig?”

Sazed looks to a side. His eyes are sorrowful now, instead of angry. “Sure. Ignore me. What do I know?”

“Aw, come on, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I care about you, Taako. I really do. I don’t want to see you pushed around by assholes who don’t. I… I want you to be happy.”

Nobody’s ever told him that before, and Taako feels his confidence in his traveling companions shatter. Sazed wouldn’t lie, would he? He’s being so open about his feelings, saying things Taako never thought he’d hear…

Maybe he’s right. He was right before, after all.

“Okay,” he says, slowly, carefully, “what should we do?”

“We can’t leave them just yet, there’s nowhere else to go. Just don’t pay attention to them from now on. Don’t let them get to you. I promise I’ll take care of you.”

He doesn’t know what to say. Maybe he should crack a joke, or act disgusted, but Sazed is reaching all the little parts of him that he’d long since buried. He’s bringing forth the sensitive side of Taako, the one that doesn’t want to be alone, the one that needs other people to look after him.

“Thanks,” he says, quietly.

 

* * *

 

Taako should’ve known that something was wrong right there and then.

* * *

 

He does what Sazed asked him -told him- to do. Much to everyone’s confusion, he becomes aloof and withdrawn, and refuses to speak in anything but disinterested monosyllables. He makes a resolution not to be fucked with again, not after having his feelings surface, and he’s going to carry it through to the end.

Taako still cooks, though, because nothing can take that from him. (Something can, but he doesn’t know about it yet.) The quality of his food doesn’t decrease, as he takes too much pride in it to ever think about fucking it up, but he doesn’t listen when the others tell him that what he’s doing is amazing.

It doesn’t take long for Taako and Sazed to leave. Another caravan passes by, one large enough that it seems to be made out of an entire town, and they immediately join it. It doesn’t take much to convince the caravan members; a cook is always welcome, especially one of Taako’s skill.

His (former) traveling companions seem sad to see him go.

Taako flips them off internally, for daring to fuck with him.

 

The same things happen again. Taako cooks, some people compliment his cooking -not all, this time, considering the sheer size of the caravan-, Sazed becomes increasingly more aloof and irritable.

“I think we’ve had enough,” he says, finally, after watching a tiefling man shamelessly flirt with Taako. “This lifestyle isn’t doing you any good.”

Taako watches the tiefling walk away, and grins mischievously. “I dunno, I think it’s treating me pretty well.”

“Don’t you get it? You’re going nowhere. Do you want to spend the rest of your life cooking for some shitty caravan?”

“Well-”

“You’re too great for that, Taako.”

“True, true.”

“You’re - you’re incredible. You need to do better.” Sazed looks stern, like he’s chastising him. “I’m going to take you where you need to be.”

That makes an odd, uncomfortable feeling rise up in Taako, but he pushes it down, choosing to believe it’s indigestion. “Tell me it’s a palace.”

Sazed smiles. “It could be. I think… we’ve made some contacts, and you have sort of a reputation now… I think you should start a cooking show.”

“A _what_?”

“A cooking show! You were made to be on a screen, you’re beautiful and charismatic and talented.”

“Yeah, you’re right. That could actually be a good idea.” Taako brings one finger to his lips. “We’re gonna need a fantasy studio… I don’t care who handles the camera, not as if I had a bad angle anyway… I want some cool lights that change color.”

“You’ll have all that and more. Promise.”

 

* * *

 

Taako wishes he’d just decked Sazed on the face instead.

It’s too late for regrets, certainly, but what he feels is not regret: it’s rage, boiling rage.

One day, he tells himself, he’ll see to it that Sazed pays for what he did.


	2. all i know is where i don't belong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this one might be shorter than the last one, sorry if that's the case! either way, the next and last one should be uploaded soon. apparently having a chapter outline does wonders for my productivity.
> 
> warning: the emotional abuse and manipulation is a really, really big thing in this chapter. please be careful reading it.

_Sizzle It Up With Taako_ is a huge success.

It’s a blessing.

(Taako doesn’t realize it can also be a curse until some time passes.)

The show starts off as something fairly unpopular. They run it at ass o’clock in the morning, when everyone’s asleep, but quickly, thanks to Taako’s innate charm and his propensity to spice everything up with magic, it gains a sizeable amount of followers who watch it with cult-like intensity. Those followers gather some more people, and those people tell other people, and soon, through word of mouth, it becomes a huge hit.

They move it to the prime time. The viewers are completely enchanted by Taako, and he becomes busy with live shows and tours.

He’s _happy_. With all his heart and soul, with everything he is. People like him, they want him on their screens daily, they don’t leave because he’s got them dazzled and craving more.

Sazed tries to ruin it for him.

First it’s the little details: criticizing his showmanship, claiming that he could’ve explained things a bit clearer, that he needs to push himself because he knows he could be so much better, because Sazed believes he can be better. Taako swallows it all up; it’s a sort of reaffirmation. Twisted, mocking reaffirmation, but he doesn’t know it yet.

Taako listens to him, but often he’s so caught up in his happiness that he doesn’t.

Sazed doesn’t like that, and he yells at him. Sometimes, Taako yells back; sometimes he doesn’t. Depends on what kind of day he’s having. Sazed always ends their discussions by tearing up and saying that he cares about Taako, that he just wants to see him do better, and Taako feels guilty and asks for his forgiveness, despite Sazed being the one who started it all.

 

It goes like that for a while, a constant push and pull, and Taako starts to grow weary; until Sazed tells him that he loves him.

They’re having one of their fights, and the shouting is even louder this time around.  Sazed is growing red in the face and shaking with anger. Taako is also angry, until Sazed picks up a glass and throws it at the wall.

He doesn’t know whether he’s scared, surprised, or pissed off. Either way, he stops yelling and looks at Sazed, eyes wide, mouth slightly agape, and he can feel his hands trembling, so he hides them behind his back.

“What the fuck,” he whispers.

Sazed looks contrite in a way that is, in hindsight, very obviously fake. “Oh, Taako. You know I didn’t mean to do that.”

“I don’t know, my man, you sure as hell did it.”

“No, you don’t get it, I don’t want to hurt you. You just… you made me angry, but I don’t want to hurt you. I love you.”

“ _Uh_.”

“I love you. I really do.”

Taako doesn’t know what to say.

Nobody has ever told him that before. Even his aunt, who liked him in a begrudging sort of way, never said she loved him; she was not given to displays of affection.

On one hand, it’s exhilarating. On the other, it’s really fucking terrifying.

“You have to understand that, Taako,” he says, pleadingly, hands outstretched towards him, “you have to understand that I love you _so much_. You are -- you are my entire world.”

“Gotta be a really tiny world,” Taako says feebly.

Sazed smiles, sharp like a dagger. “It’s the greatest world I could ever think of.”

 

Things get wildly different after that.

Taako rarely says he loves Sazed; when he does, it’s quiet and hesitant and only during nighttime, when he’s sure Sazed is asleep. He’s still not sure if he feels the same way or not, but he thinks that he has to -- that he’s finally with someone who cares about him, and he can’t screw that up.

For Sazed, it’s as easy as breathing. He says it during arguments, after arguments, when he wants something, when Taako is angry, when Taako is sad.

(Later, much later, Taako would realize he always profited from it.

Sazed had always been a businessman, after all.)

The one time Taako slowly starts to realize he doesn’t feel the same, things get even worse.

“I think we’re just not meant to be, S, you dig?” he tells him.

Sazed frowns, but offers Taako a tight-lipped smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Don’t be silly.”

“I dunno, my man, I’m telling you--”

“You and I, we’re amazing. We can do anything.”

Taako doesn’t quite feel ashamed, but an ugly knot forms in his throat. “Yeah, maybe.”

“There’s no maybe. We’re good for each other, Taako, and I’ll always be with you. I’m never letting you go.”

His heart starts beating, fast, erratic.

He doesn’t know if it’s love or fear.

 

From that point on, Taako has a hard time saying ‘no’ to Sazed. He’s the only one who’ll have him, after all, and he can’t afford to disappointment because, in spite of all his pretty words and passionate promises, he can always choose to leave.

So he says ‘yes.’ He says ‘maybe.’

Then Glamour Springs happens.

It’s obvious to Taako that Sazed has been mulling something over, but he chooses not to ask. Instead, he gives him space, because he doesn't want Sazed to get angry over his meddling.

He’s not expecting what Sazed tells him.

_Give me a place in the spotlight_ , Sazed says. _Let me be your partner. I want this to be ‘Sizzle It Up With Taako and Sazed.’_

No matter how much Taako is under Sazed’s thumb, how much he relies on him and his approval, that’s the one thing he won’t let Sazed take away from him. The spotlight belongs to him. The cheers, the applause, the letters and the signing of autographs and the massive crowds, they all belong to him. Sharing it with someone would mean that the attention would no longer be focused solely on him.

And he can’t stand that.

So he says no.

Sazed doesn’t take it well.

It doesn’t _seem_ like he does, though. He keeps acting the same, he smiles at Taako -it doesn’t reach his eyes-, he laughs, acts affectionate, tells Taako he’s wonderful. The changes in him are almost unnoticeable, and Taako dismisses them as being born out of his imagination.

(If only he’d paid more attention to his gut, maybe…

No. The fault is Sazed’s, not his.)

He thinks that everything’s been forgotten and forgiven, that things are going to be fine, and then.

And then, a bottle of arsenic, and forty people, and elderberries and nightshade and _guilt_.

* * *

 

He’s, in a way, thankful for the Temporal Chalice. The offer was tempting, at first, but knowing that it hadn’t been his fault helped him make peace with everything that had happened.

No, make peace is not the right expression. It fueled his wrath. It made him become driven by a grim determination.

It made him, finally, hate Sazed instead of hating himself.


	3. and the ground's already hard where it's been dug in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this... took a lot less time than i thought it would, lmao. we've finally reached the end folks
> 
> here is where that 'graphic depictions of violence' tag comes in; hopefully it's not that graphic. also, it's time to finally put that 'fuck sazed' tag to good use
> 
> thanks for reading, and as always, you can find me on tumblr at taakokravitz!

Taako is painting his fingernails when Kravitz enters his room.

He grins, and he’s about to greet his boyfriend, when he notices how restless he seems. Fidgety.

Fear overpowers him; fear that Kravitz has decided to leave him. (Like everyone else does.)

“Hey?” Taako says, hesitantly.

“Hey. I, um,” Kravitz licks his lips, “I’ve got something for you. A… gift, if you will.”

_ He’s not going to propose, is he?  _

“You know I love gifts, but something that’s got you like that is probably not gonna be a good one, huh? You got this off the fantasy gachapan or something? Is it bubblegum?”

“It’s not bubblegum, and… it depends on what you’d consider good, I suppose. Personally, I think you’ll like it.”

“Cool, then don’t keep me waiting, bone hunk.”

Kravitz doesn’t answer; he turns around, makes his scythe appear, and tears a rift in spacetime. 

“After you,” he says. “Or, um. Would you prefer I go first? Either is okay with me. As long as someone goes, because I don’t really like opening rifts for nothing.”

“It’s all good, my man. You can go first.”

“Yeah. Maybe it’s better that I do.”

Kravitz steps in, then Taako follows suit. He tries to get a quick look into the rift, see where exactly it leads, but it doesn’t show much. 

 

When he emerges from the rift, he sees they’re standing in front of a cabin.

“Okay, if this is your idea of a romantic retreat I gotta tell you, I don’t do well with bugs and--”

“It’s not that. I’ve… I’ve been looking. From the first moment I knew, I’ve been looking. It took me a lot of time, more than I’d expected, but I finally did it.”

“Did what?”

“I found Sazed.”

Taako suddenly feels as though he’d been shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.

He’d been looking forward to this moment, to finding Sazed and fucking him up, to finally getting his revenge against the man who’d haunted his dreams, his  _ life _ , for so long, but now that he’s there he doesn’t know what to do. 

“Are you -- is that fine?” Kravitz asks. “I’m sorry if I put you in a bad position, we can always go back.”

Taako doesn’t know what to do, what to feel, but he knows one thing: he’s not going back.

He’s going to get his closure, one way or another.

“I’m fine,” he says. “I’m ready. Let’s go in.”

“Should I do the honors?”

“Sure. I don’t wanna waste a spell slot.”

Kravitz shifts into his skeletal form -which Taako appreciates, because it makes the entire situation a lot more threatening-, and brings his scythe down on the wooden door. Scythes wouldn’t normally make such a clean cut, but his, being magical, completely destroys the door and tears it off its hinges.

 

Taako hoped he would find Sazed cowering in a corner, covered in dirt, lamenting all the damage he’d done, wishing for death. It was a stupid thought, he knew that well, but he wished to see him in the worst state possible; to know that all the things he’d done to him had caught up to him.

Instead, he finds Sazed sitting on a couch, feet propped up on a nearby table, reading a book.

He was, unsurprisingly, startled by the commotion, and when his eyes turned to the door he paled -- but he doesn’t seem any worse for wear, which further incenses Taako.

“You _ piece of shit _ ,” he says, storming into the room, “you fucking bastard.”

“Taako?”

“Damn right it’s Taako, shithead! You thought you’d never have to deal with me again, huh? You thought you could just leave like that? Well, think a-fuckin’-gain!”

Sazed looks at him with contempt. “You have some gall showing your face here, after what you did to those poor people.”

Taako snaps.

His thing isn’t usually physical confrontation -he prefers to stay at a safe distance and fling spells-, but he’s way too furious, and longs to feel the way Sazed’s bones break underneath his hands. Sazed stands up and lifts his hands as Taako rushes towards him, but he doesn’t think about any of it. All he does is punch him, hard, in his smug fucking face, taking advantage of all his rings and how painful they can be.

It’s just as he’d expected; he feels a satisfying  _ crack   _ as he breaks Sazed’s nose. 

His knuckles hurt, and it’s likely that he might have injured them as well, but he doesn’t care. No amount of pain could stop him from making Sazed pay his debts.

Sazed begins bleeding, profusely, and he looks as if he were about to swing back, but Taako doesn’t give him time to do it -- he grabs his Umbra Staff and brings the handle down against Sazed’s mouth with all the strength he can muster. (It’s not really necessary, considering the handle is made out of a strange material that’s tougher than wood, but it’s what he wants.)

This time, it’s his teeth that shatter. He staggers backwards, leans down, and spits out blood. Taako takes the chance to hit him in the stomach with the handle of his Umbra Staff, then on the face again. 

It’s not enough. It’ll never be enough. Nothing can make up for the years of fear and shame and hatred he put Taako through. 

His heart has hardened.

So he casts Melf’s Acid Arrow.

It lodges itself in Sazed’s right arm, and he begins howling in pain as his flesh melts away. He’s a sad sight, now, crying and screaming and covered in blood, but Taako doesn’t feel guilty. He’s way past that.

“Should’ve thought twice before messing with me, bubbeleh,” he says, “‘cause as you can see, you fucked with the wrong guy.”

Sazed manages to move, in spite of the pain, and stretches his left arm towards Kravitz, asking him for help. (He’s obviously suffering too much if he’s considering that a skeletal being with glowing red eyes will aid him.) 

“You’re out of luck, I’m afraid,” Kravitz says coldly. “You’ve got a lot to pay for, you see.”

Taako lets the effect of Melf’s Magic Arrow vanish. He lets Sazed crumble to the ground, wheezing, breathing hard. 

He lets him believe that his punishment is over.

Then he casts Disintegrate.

It’s quick. All he does is point at Sazed, and watch him as he is pushed back. He hears all his bones breaking, he sees the unnatural angle at which his limbs twist, how he begins to crumble and fall apart. First his skin is pulled off his body, becoming a gray dust, then his muscles, then his bones. Taako sees every bit of him, down to the inside, vanish into dust.

He feels nothing but a distant sense of satisfaction.

“I’m through with you,” he whispers. “We’re done.”

* * *

 

EPILOGUE

“You think the Raven Queen will be mad at me?” Taako asks. He’s curled up against Kravitz, who’s playing with a loose strand of Taako’s hair. “Like, I don’t regret shit, but I figure it’d be sorta bad to have an actual deity on my ass, y’know? Not that it turned out well for her last time, but she could send someone a bit more competent. No offense.”

Kravitz chuckles. “None taken. And no, I don’t think she’ll be upset. It wasn’t me doing the killing, after all, and he got what was coming to him.”

“Yeah, he did.”

He buries his face in the crook of Kravitz’ neck and smiles.


End file.
